Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize