You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
