I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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