it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
