beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
