He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
