were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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