What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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