He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
