dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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