My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize