you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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