everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
