I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
