don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
