No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
