Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
