I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked a lego.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
