I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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