If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
