Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize