That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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