I hope mine doesn't look like that
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
