dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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