I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
