i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
