I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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