She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
