I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
