Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
