I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
