if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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