you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
