I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
