I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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