We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
