my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
