I think I just saw someone hide a body.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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