dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
