lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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