I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
