The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
