so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
