How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
