we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
