im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
