Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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