So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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