I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
