their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
