Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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