What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
