i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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