I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
