I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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