someone threw a dead crab at me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize