Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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