Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
