i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
