I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
