After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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