I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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