Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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