I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize