You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
