ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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