My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize