Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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