this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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