Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
