I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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