do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
