Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
