Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
