Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
