Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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