how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
