I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He passed out mid-signature
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
