Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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