You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
