how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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