Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
