This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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