I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
