i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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