I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
