You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
