So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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