i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
