youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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