There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize