1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
