I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
