I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
