I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
