I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
