the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize